Jerry, you need to find god
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
