Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My pussy is not your playground.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
