Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize