Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
