you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
