She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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