In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
