So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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