Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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