why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
