he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
