Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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