is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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