I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
