Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
