i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
