I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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