And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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