i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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