just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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