i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
