the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
