"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
