"it" just moved
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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