So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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