if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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