so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
