Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
