Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
