I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
