I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
