Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
