It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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