fuck your aforementioned shoe
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
