last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
