can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
