Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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