I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
