I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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