I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
