a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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