Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
