Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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