Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
