I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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