Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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