I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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