I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
