Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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