I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
