"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
