just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize