I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
