you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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