I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
