I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize