Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
