I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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