so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
