All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
