You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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