There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
