I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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