some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
